Many times we hear saying that in order to have a good relationship, couple communication is the most important thing . And it’s true, but in the end everyone will give their own interpretation to this phrase. Some will think that with their partners they talk enough and others will think what they have to talk about. Learn how to have good communication in a relationship.
Communication goes beyond speaking or speaking, or speaking. Communication has more to do with what is said and how it is said.
What are the most common mistakes in couple communication?
Most of the mistakes that are usually made in couple communication have to do with not knowing how to express themselves properly, or due to disrespect for oneself or the other person. Among the different errors we find:
- Impose our criteria believing that our point of view is better than that of our partner.
- We express defects and complaints of the couple frequently , sometimes in an exaggerated way.
- We want the other person to be as we want.
- We are not interested in the views or beliefs of our partner.
- We do not let our partner express themselves.
- We take for granted what he is going to say and constantly interrupt him.
- We manipulate to achieve what we want.
- We are right although we disagree .
The result of erroneous couple communication patterns can weaken the relationship, to the point of breaking up in many cases. That is why it is important that we pay attention to the way and the way we have to communicate with our loved one.
Mistakes in couple communication can weaken the relationship.
How could I communicate correctly with my partner?
Regardless of whether in our partner communication we are aggressive, passive or manipulative , there is a middle term called assertiveness, available to everyone and with which we can start practicing to improve our relationship. Assertiveness is nothing more than a form of expression through which respect for oneself and others is sought.
Assertiveness is expressing thoughts, feelings and the way of seeing the world through words or gestures, in a calm and appropriate way, while wanting to know the feelings and thoughts of the other to understand it better.
Practicing assertiveness will help us express our needs in the relationship, as well as understand those of our partner. Being assertive will nurture our relationship by allowing us to express our point of view and improving our partner communication.
An opportunity to improve the emotional aspect of communication either with your partner or with your family or friends is offered by the course ” Improve your communication “ by Javier Cebreiros, with which you will enter the wonderful world of communication and learn diverse Strategies to communicate.
How could I be more assertive?
Express your appreciation for your qualities
Most likely, you appreciate certain qualities or actions of your partner. Something about his appearance, his character, something he says or does, whatever. Expressing verbally or otherwise what we appreciate about our partner is good for both of us, since we both will be able to feel better.
Our environment would improve significantly if instead of complaints or criticism there were more signs of appreciation.
Let’s see it with an example . It is not the same to say « I would like to tell you that although it may not seem like it, I look hard at the effort you make to help me and support me. It makes me feel good. Thank you for everything, ” to say,“ Yes, it’s worth it, since you help me, do it well! ”
Accept the signs of affection and compliments
It is also possible for your partner to express his appreciation for you. Do not doubt his sincerity, the fact that you do not believe it does not mean that the other person does not think about it. Accept the signs of affection and compliments naturally, a simple “thank you” is enough.
For example, he can tell you: How handsome you are . And finally answer: Yes, with these hairs … Remember not to doubt his sincerity, just say ” thank you “.
Knowing how to accept compliments is an important point because if we despise them we can condition our partner and that as a result we will not do them again in the future. In addition, María Nieves Vera (2009), Professor of Psychology at the University of Granada, points out the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments, among which the following stand out: they make people feel good, help establish friendly relationships, reduce tension in case of tense situations , we know what the other person likes us …
Be able to say “no”
Keep in mind that the responsibility of saying ” no ” is only yours. Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” is not sincere and hurts your feelings. You have the right to refuse requests without feeling guilty or selfish.
Remember that you do not reject the person, only the request, although there may be a misunderstanding by your partner.
For example it is not the same to say: I understand that you want us to go to that meeting, but at this moment I do not feel like it. To go without desire to a place where probably, in the end they both go through bad faces.
Ask for what you want
A common mistake is to expect the couple to do something without telling them at any time . We all have the right to express what we want, but if we do not, we have to understand that others do not have to guess it, for longer than they have been together and for more than they know each other. If you really want something, express it properly.
For example, it is not the same to say: I would like to go for a walk in the afternoon, what do you think? To be reluctantly inwardly because the idea of going for a walk never leaves your partner.
Explain what you think or how you feel
Say clearly what you think or how you feel, whether positive or negative, but always with respect for the other. There is no better way for your partner to understand you than showing your emotions. Accumulate emotions, will make us explode someday.
Do not assume that your partner will know how you feel, no matter how long it makes you know each other. A phrase well known to all could be the following: «You have known me for a long time, you should know how I feel». However, that is a mistake. Over the years we can understand and understand the other, but if we want him to know what is happening to us, it is best to say it without waiting for the other person to infer it .
For example, it is not the same to say « Every time you arrive late I worry, I would like you to take it into account in case it happens again remember to notify me» to hold the other responsible, hide our emotions and say « You are always late! Every time you go out, the same story!
Beware of accusations
It is very easy to get carried away by anger and blame our partner for how bad we feel. So, to avoid this error in the communication of couples and clashes that do not lead anywhere, the best is:
- Ask questions instead of accusations . How could it be: Are you listening to me? , instead of directly accusing and saying: You are not listening to me again!
- Comment on what the couple does without rating it . For example: I have noticed that lately you forget the clothes lying on the bed after changing . Instead of: You are a mess, every time you change you leave the room bogged down.
- Avoid generalizations as always or never. For example it is better to say: Lately you are not taking out the garbage . To say: You never take out the trash.
Use assertive terms in our conversation
I think, I feel, we do, I want, what you think, what do you think, how can we solve this, I would like … There are multiple expressions and assertive forms that we can use in our conversations to create a more pleasant climate.
Finally, remember that maintaining assertive communication with your partner does not guarantee you the absence of discussions and problems , but it does facilitate mutual understanding and respect that will gradually be forged. You will always have this option at hand. You just have to choose it.